Where I’m From: Kaludra, Serbia
Current Hometown: Chicago, IL
Favorite Balkan Song: So hard to pick just one. Currently loving anything by Djani.
Favorite Balkan Dish: Oh man, this one’s hard… Sarma for sure and Kiflice sa Sirom… anything from the Pekara really.
1. Can you start off by telling us a little bit more about yourself? Where are you originally from and where are you currently living?
I moved from Central Serbia to Chicago when I was 5 ½ and my brother was 3. My parents came to the US first in 1995 and lived in a relative’s basement until they were able to secure living arrangements on their own. In 1996, my brother and I emigrated to Chicago to join our parents, our grandma (dad’s mom) brought us over.
I grew up on the Northwest side of Chicago and have had Bosnian friends pretty much since Kindergarten. The area where we grew up has/had a large Ex-Yugo population. I lived in the city until I graduated from college. I got engaged and my now husband and I moved to the suburbs very soon after. We’ve now been married for 6 years.
Currently, I work as an HR Consultant & Strategist and love what I do. I got my Master’s in Industrial/Organizational Psychology in 2018, something I’m really proud of since I am the first in my family to obtain a higher education, especially a graduate degree. Neither of my parents have high school diplomas. I love my career and the meaningful work I get to do every day.
2. What was it like growing up in the United States as a refugee? Feel free to share any challenges you faced.
We were very lucky because we didn’t come as refugees. Our parents realized that we were destined for a hard life in our village with limited opportunities if they didn’t move away. For generations, our family, made up of farmers, lived a humble life off the land. When we moved here, because of where we came from and the violence associated with that part of the world, we did experience judgement, mainly from non-Balkan people. At that time when someone would ask where we were from, we still identified as being from Yugoslavia so the name itself always raised eyebrows. To a 5-year-old kid that was so nerve-wracking and scary. We had no real support aside from a handful of distant relatives, but even they weren’t really interested in helping someone who was new in America, even if we were related. They didn’t have time to help us fill out applications or show us how things worked here so we had to figure things out on our own.
When we arrived we obviously didn’t speak English so starting Kindergarten in a new country was probably the most traumatic experience for me. My mom had to sit in the back of the classroom for a few hours each day for weeks so I wouldn’t cry and scream. I still to this day remember being thirsty one day and not knowing how to tell the teacher I needed water.
As I got older I took on the role that I’m sure is very familiar to some of you reading this. I became the family translator, a family representative of sorts, an aspect of my childhood that I absolutely hated and resent to this day. After “successfully” maneuvering through my own family’s issues, I was then expected to do the same for family friends which I am still somewhat angry about. I was always the one that had to call customer service, fill out applications, and ask questions or even complain to store managers on behalf of my parents. Combined with the marital issues my parents faced very early on, I was exposed to much more than an elementary school-aged child should ever be. I had to grow up, and grow up fast. So in a sense, I feel like I was robbed of my childhood. I was saddled with my family’s burdens when I shouldn’t have been.
My parents finally divorced when I was in high school but as I mentioned their marriage had already been over for years before that. My father left and my mother had to care for us on her own. She was experiencing issues of her own at that time and we never formed a close relationship with her or our father. My brother and I talk to our parents but I can’t say that we have a parent-child bond. Very early on I learned to care for myself and my brother when our mother wasn’t emotionally available.
We took the city bus to school, came home, and did our homework. I think that’s where my “motherly instincts” come from. Even though I don’t have children yet, my friends always referred to me as the “mom” in the group because I was always the more independent, responsible, and mature one. While those are not bad traits to have, the way they came about was because of trauma. So I guess you could say I had a traumatic childhood growing up. A broken home, a new country, and having to take on the responsibility of building a life here. I’ve been “adulting” since I could speak English.
Growing up, I never experienced any kind of racism or hostility from my peers, even though I had a weird name, sometimes brought weird-looking lunches, and mostly hung out with Bosnian kids. Recently in one of my IG stories, I shared how much I appreciated that the admin team at our elementary school always included us in the Bajram celebrations that they put together at our school. We were the only Serbian kids in our entire school and they never excluded us which I’m so appreciative to this day.
3. How did you begin your blog, The Balkan Hostess? Did it happen by accident or was it something you’d always wanted to do?
I honestly never thought I’d start a blog, I’ve followed food YouTubers for years, some for over 15 years, and it was just something someone else did.
When I got married and started cooking regularly, my friends would always come to me for recipe ideas, hosting ideas, table settings, and general hosting questions. So I’ve really been sharing for much longer than I’ve had my blog and Instagram.
When COVID rolled around, I found that I had some extra hours throughout the week where I had nothing to do. Usually, you’d catch me at HomeGoods and Marshalls if I had extra time on my hands, but with lockdown in full effect, I needed to keep busy to keep me sane. So I cooked, and cooked, and cooked as I’m sure many of us did. And one day I sat a friend down and said, “I’m going to start a food blog and this is what I think I’ll call it.” That same night I bought my domain and created my Instagram profile. And now we’re here.
4. What are your top three recipes and why are they your favorites?
Another hard question 🙂 I would have to say Sarma, Kiflice sa Sirom, and my cheesecake. Ask any one of my friends about the cheesecake, they definitely associate me with that dessert. It’s my signature dish that some have referred to as “the jafa cheesecake.” The sarma and kiflice are my favorite foods ever so naturally they are also my top 3 favorite recipes I’ve shared. Both sarma and kiflice have been part of my life since I can remember, so every time I make sarma I think of back home, my grandmother’s kitchen, and her delicious food.
Now, while those may be MY favorite, my followers are definitely here for the desserts. All the desserts 🙂 My most popular posts so far are Palacinke, Rafaello Kocke, and Rafaello Torta.
As for me, just give me all the carbs and I’m satisfied.
5. What advice would you give to diaspora who are starting to/interested in cooking more of our traditional dishes? A lot of our recipes can be so complicated ?
Don’t be afraid! It’s not as complicated as it sounds and it’s easier than it looks. All you need is some good, clean, instructions. And measurements. One of my main reasons for starting the blog was to provide clean recipes in US measurements for the Balkan Diaspora in the US and beyond. It’s hard to get it right when our parents tell us to add something “od prilike.” That meant nothing to me when I was learning to cook Balkan food. And I got recipes wrong, oh so wrong, many times in those days trying to decipher what the “od prilike” meant.
I find that the complexity of the dish usually isn’t the problem, the time commitment seems to be the problem. My mom always says “za nasu hrana treba vremena” and it’s so true. Granted, there are dishes that are no-bake, quick, and delicious too! And don’t get me wrong, I love a good no-bake recipe myself for when I’m tight with time, but to truly experience our delicious cuisine you need to be prepared to spend some time in the kitchen.
All that to say don’t be afraid and while the instructions may be long it will totally be worth it in the end.
6. How do you believe that we (as diaspora) can continue to keep our culture alive for generations to come?
I believe the only way we as the Diaspora can continue to keep our culture alive is by putting in the effort. Speak in Bosnian/Serbian/Croatian, etc more often so you don’t forget. Read books in our language. If you’re a parent, expose your children to our culture by attending events or enrolling them in camps, folklore, or even language classes. Speak with them in your native tongue at home. And of course, cook traditional food and celebrate your holidays. It’s so so easy to switch to completely English, to cook quicker meals, and to forget. And most important of all: go back home as often as you can, if you can.
I realize that depending on where you live it may be hard to connect with others from your country. I really feel for people who don’t have large Balkan communities near them. I’m so very lucky that I have so many Balkan restaurants, stores, bakeries, kafanas, and other establishments near me, but I know others don’t have that privilege.
And most important of all I think is just to write down your story, even if it’s brief. You never know, one of your great-great grandchildren might be interested in genealogy and they may be looking for some more info about you and your life. More than your MySpace and Facebook page anyway 🙂
7. Anything else you’d like to share with our audience?
- My husband is from the same small town I’m from. He came to the US on a K-1 visa, so my very own “90-Day Fiance.”
- My husband and I are in the process of renovating our home in Serbia where we plan to move back to one day.
- Cooking is my therapy. When I’m having a bad day I get in the kitchen and bake my problems away.
- When I’m not cooking I’m reading.
- I journal a lot and save random things that I think someone might find cool one day. I can imagine a grandchild asking if I remember the Corona Virus pandemic and to that, I’ll reply “Hold on, let me grab my mask.”