Where I’m From: Kalesija, Bosnia and Herzegovina
Current Hometown: Detroit, MI
Favorite Balkan Song: “Oce Moj” by Sinan Sakic
Favorite Balkan Dish: Krompiruša
1. Can you start off by telling us a little bit more about yourself?
As a Bosniak, I feel like all of our stories matter. We were all ripped from our homes and torn away from the roots that were the foundation to our lives to foreign countries or displaced in what is considered “home.” I think all of our stories matter and I can anticipate that it will be hard for you, Emina, to pick just one. But I want to share my story with you, Emina, and fellow Balkan Bred community, because Balkan Bred is what gave me my voice…this is what allowed me to finally speak up about what I have gone through.
When the war started in Bosnia, I was only 7 years old and just starting my ‘education’ being in second grade. I can still remember the day when they came and took the men away from our village, and placed the woman and kids in a “safe area.” I did not know then that at that time my dad was being taken to a concentration camp where he spent 14 months being tortured, starved, and manipulated.
When my dad finally returned to us, we set out to find a “safe home.” A gracious family allowed us to live in this hut-like home where my mom spent all day working on the field just so we could stay there. My dad, was then forced to go and fight where he was hit by a sniper in his left shoulder, and upon recovering he was then returned to the army with a much smaller role. After serving his daily duties, he spent his time going from door to door, house to house with a bag begging for food. We would gather around him and he would dump the bag on the floor with random food items.. rice, potatoes, wheat, flour, beans, etc.. It was a game, to me and my sisters, to separate all the grains, all the food items, on different piles in hopes that there’s enough for even one portion of a meal, which then got divided amongst 5 individuals.
My education stopped at the age of 7 because my parents were too afraid to send me to school. Grenades were constantly being dropped in the village and especially targeting schools; making it too risky for my parents to send us. We came to America when I was 13. At that time, I was going to school with a 7-year-old’s education and not knowing a word of English.
2. What was it like growing up in the United States as a refugee? Feel free to share any challenges you faced.
Upon arrival to America, we settled in Arizona, where I only spent 2 years of my childhood/teenage years. At the age of 15, I had to make a decision only an adult should make. When I turned 13, I was sexually abused by a family member. Being 13, I didn’t know what to do, who to turn to, how to do anything about this situation. I kept it to myself, wondering what I did wrong. Why did this happen to me? Is this my fault? Until one day, I confided in my cousin. It was like a domino effect, how quickly everything turned bad. My cousin told my mother who then told my dad and then it all blew up quicker than it happened.
Now I want to add that the Balkan culture is highly flawed. Mental health is a stigma. Suicide is a stigma. We don’t talk about anything, but rather it is swept under the rug. And at that moment, when my world came crumbling down at the mere age of a teenager, and when I needed all the support, my family didn’t believe me. Because how could it be? Our men, let alone our family, don’t do that. Bosnians don’t do this, especially not to each other, especially not after the war we all fled where our women were being raped and abused. Feeling alone, and defeated, I made the decision to leave my parents, my new home, at the age of 15, and made the trip to Detroit. I got “married” when I was 16. 16! To a man who did not treat me right. To a man who did not love me the way I needed to be loved. The even worse thing was that my father was no longer talking to me and he did not speak to me for 12 years.
3. How did your life begin to change when you moved to Michigan?
When I relocated to Michigan I was completely in over my head and a naïve teenager. When I look back at those years, I am sometimes in shock and disbelief over my actions. I have a 17-year-old daughter and I can’t imagine her being married now and not pursuing the path that she currently is. When I first moved at the age of 16, I left everything behind. My family, my life, and especially my education. Being from a Bosnian family and culture, we all know that school is “everything”, no matter the age or size of the child. I devoted my entire being to fulfill the “housewife” role. I cooked, cleaned, and cared for my husband. It didn’t take too long before my (now ex) husband showed his true colors. To keep it short, things changed drastically and soon I had a child on the way. I knew that I had to get out of there and move on with my life; despite him insisting that I was nothing and I would never be successful.
I re-enrolled back in school and was able to get my GED and then shortly thereafter started working at a local pharmacy where I became a pharmacy technician. I spent over 20 years working in the pharmacy before moving on to another one, all the while doing other jobs on the side in an attempt to make money (selling Avon, Pure Romance, and even linen services for events). I was always “hustling” per se in an effort to be successful and to provide for my daughter and now my 3 beautiful kids. At one point, I was a single mother before I met my current husband who I’ve been with for over 10 years and share 2 more beautiful children with. Working in the pharmaceutical world has influenced me to embark on a new career journey, which I am still keeping to myself at this time. My children and my husband are my biggest motivators because I want to be able to show my kids that anything is possible if they just believe in themselves, all the while being able to set them up for success. Being a mother of two daughters makes me extra protective of them because I don’t ever want them to go through what I did. And having a son, I want to ensure I raise a man that will make other women comfortable and safe. After I rekindled my relationship with my dad and family, I truly saw how incredibly proud they are of me and, to be honest, I am proud of myself too. I like to think of myself as a phoenix, constantly rising from the ashes and coming out stronger and even more graceful.
A couple of years ago, my dad got really sick. I was certain that I was going to lose him. I kept repeating the events in my head, how we got to this part, and how did I allow for this to happen? I had already lost my dad for 12 years of my life and I couldn’t bear to imagine the thought of losing him for good and our relationship being like this, so I kept calling and checking on him and one day he told my mom to call me to come see him and to bring my kids who he never met. I swallowed my pride, took a trip to Arizona, and talked to my dad. And we talked, and we cried, and after over 20 years, my dad finally made the trip to me, in Detroit, where he saw the beautiful life I’ve built with my current husband and the beautiful family I have. And my dad was prideful, and although those 12 years came and went, it made us cherish each other more.
5. What do you love the most about Balkan Bred?
Balkan Bred is a community. It is a group of people whose histories are entwined and best of all, Balkan Bred lets your voice be heard. Whenever I wear my little piece of home, I feel like I have an entire team of supporters behind me. Zbog Tebe Ja Sam Jaca might just be a statement to some, but for me it means so much more.
All of the events in my life have led me here and I can say I am stronger because of them. I kept my story to myself and some of my family and friends for a long time, but this platform has given me the courage to talk about what happened. With this, I hope more survivors will come forward and know that there is a team of support behind them. I know I am not the only one.