Where I’m From: Zenica, Bosnia and Herzegovina
Current Hometown: Waterloo, Iowa
Favorite Balkan Song: Luda Devojko – Mile Kitic
Favorite Balkan Dish: Tikvenjaca
1. Can you start off by telling us a little bit more about yourself? Where are you originally from and where are you currently living?
My dad was born in Begov Han, Bosnia and his family roots trace back to that area. When he was six months old, he ended up being diagnosed with polio which brought him to Zenica at the age of eight so that he was closer to the hospital. My mom was born in Zenica, and actually lived in an apartment building just around the corner of my dad’s building. They had known each other since childhood and were friends, until they started dating and got married in 1992. The peace and quiet did not last long because I came along in 1993, and it was the three of us for the next eight years. Like my mama I was born in Zenica, we lived in the Crkvice neighborhood, in the same studio apartment that my grandpa got from Zeljezara and moved my dad into when he was only eight years old.
My parents had told me about the United States; they told me about the process of paperwork, interviews and the chances of us getting denied. But they also asked me how I felt about it, explaining that the rest of our family would not be joining us in this new country. I was six years old, what did I know? All I understood was that it would be the three of us, like always and that we were going somewhere new. And, to be perfectly clear my parents made America sound way cooler than it was/is. I had just finished the fall semester of my first-grade year, when my parents found out that we got approved to move and that I would not be returning to school after winter break.
It wasn’t until we said good-bye to our whole family, and my favorite amidža handed me to my mom, as we boarded our first bus in Split, Croatia, that I realized what was happening. I was leaving everything I ever knew; my aunts and uncles, my grandparents and all my cousins.
After three buses and five airplanes, we finally landed at a small airport in Waterloo, Iowa. 21 years later, we are still here.
2. What was it like growing up in the United States as a refugee? Feel free to share any challenges you faced.
Whenever I get asked this question, the first answer that comes to mind is “it sucked” because in all honesty, those first few months were the worst. I cried every night and begged my parents to go back home. I did not speak English, I did not understand and I was shoved into a classroom with other Bosnian kids, of all ages and Latino kids also of all ages. The problem wasn’t being with these kids the problem was that none of us got the proper education that first year. The teacher we had was never around and the translators only spoke in Bosnian and Spanish. English was not being taught to us and it made the move to second grade that much harder.
My entire public education life in the United States, I was bullied. At first, it was because I did not understand or speak English. Later it became about how Bosnian people came here to steal jobs *insert eye roll* because all any of us did was save these small-town communities that we got shipped off to. Of course, following the events of September 11th, 2001, it became all about religion. I became scared to tell people that I was a Muslim because they say some things like “are you going to kill us?” I also hated when people asked me what my religion was because they seemed to always be asking just to say something hurtful.
Over the years things have gotten a lot better. I love living here. While living in the United States I became a sister twice and have so many wonderful memories. But that doesn’t change what happened to me (or anyone) and those things will always stay with me because they traumatized me. People have become a LOT nicer, they have learned a lot over the years and educated themselves on Bosnian history and culture. I still come across some rude (typically old) person who thinks they know it all but otherwise living in the United States has made me stronger in ways I never imagined possible.
3. Have you found that your Balkan heritage has always remained at the forefront of your life or have you had times where you’ve tried to hide parts of yourself in order to “fit in” with everyone else?
I wouldn’t say that I ever “hide” myself, who I am or where I came from but over the years I believe that I have become more “American” and what I mean when I say this is that somewhere between middle and high school I lost my accent. Over the years, English has become my primary language and I only speak Bosnian at home, in public so people do not understand me and when I am cursing. Oftentimes people only guess I am Bosnian because of my name or are surprised to learn that I was not born here.
I did struggle with being Bosnian and Muslim for years after September 11th because people were so mean about it. But I also think that in my 20’s I discovered a newfound love for my heritage, country, and culture. I have worked to learn more about my family history, I make it a point to speak Bosnian with my siblings (they understand everything but they do not speak Bosnian) and just making sure that this is something we carry into the future generations. If I have kids, I do not think that I will force Bosnian on them but I will speak it like with my siblings. It is more important to me that they know where we are from, what that means, and TO NEVER CHANGE THE SPELLING OF OUR LAST NAME.
Also, can anyone else relate to starting a sentence in Bosnian but finishing in English or vice versa? This happens to me all the time and I love it because it is a perfect example of who I am.
4. Do you go back home often? If so, have you had any memorable experiences that you’d like to share with our audience?
Unfortunately, I have not been back home since we moved here in 2000. It wasn’t because we haven’t wanted to but over the last 21 years, something always seems to come up or happen. In 2001, my little brother was born and both of my parents were in college. By the time they finished school, got jobs they wanted, we moved from our apartment into our house and before they realized, it had been seven years. They made the choice to have a final baby instead of going to Bosnia. So, in 2008 my little sister was born and my mom did not work because she wanted to enjoy being at home with at least one of her kids since she did not get to do that with my brother or me when we were babies. Soon after that I finished high school and was in college; I ended up getting sick and having surgery and just as things started to seem like they were normal again we found out that my brother had a brain tumor.
Now with the pandemic, I know people are risking it and going. I get it, you only live once and all but it just is not a risk I am willing to take. If I brought that home to my brother just because I was being selfish, I could never forgive myself. I hope that one day I can go back home, with my siblings and show them where I lived, went to school, where our parents worked, and where our grandparents are from. Truly, I believe in my heart that day will come when the time is right.
5. How do you believe that we (as diaspora) can continue to keep our culture alive for generations to come?
I believe that this site, blog, and podcast are a great thing for connecting those of us right now that have been through a lot of the same things but also this place will be an amazing source for future generations. In our home, we try to talk about Bosnia, our family, and different things on a regular basis but this was not always the case. When my parents worked long hours, it was just my brother and I at home and because I was so young it was not something that I worried about teaching him. Now I try to make sure he and my sister see pictures and hear the stories that I can remember; one because I want them to know and have an interest in learning more but also because I worry that one day I will forget. If anything, I do not want to forget who I am, where I am from, and what my parents did to give me this life.
I think when it comes to future generations, all we can do is keep talking. They might not care and we will probably sound like crazy annoying old people but it is a risk to take. I cannot imagine the future generation of my bloodline not knowing where they came from or changing the spelling of our last name to “fit in” as many immigrants have done in the past. It really will just depend on how we as people represent ourselves and if we show our pride in where we came from and what our second country means to us, it will carry on through generations.
6. Anything else you’d like to share with our audience?
- We became USA citizens in 2005
- There are eight years between my brother and I, and sixteen between my sister and I
- I graduated with my Bachelors of Science in Communication from Upper Iowa University
- Currently, I am in graduate school working on my Masters of Science in Communication with a focus on Marketing at Lasell University
- Both of my siblings have middle names and I really want one but also love that I don’t have one
- My dream is to live in San Francisco, California
- With my degree, I would love to do something that involves the community
- One of my goals is to fix up my grandparents’ house in Bosnia