Where I’m From: Bosanska Gradiška, Bosnia and Herzegovina
Current Hometown: Cincinnati, Ohio
Favorite Balkan Song: Ispočetka – Dino Merlin (or all of his songs really)
Favorite Balkan Dish: Ćevapi
1. Can you start off by telling us a little bit more about yourself? Where are you originally from and where are you currently living?
My name is Belma Halilovic. When this is posted I’ll officially be 25 y.o. and 11 months cancer-free! I was born in Bosanska Gradiška, a tiny city bordered by the Sava river in 1996, a year post-war. My parents and I moved to Cincinnati, OH just a few days after my first birthday and we have been here ever since!
I am the eldest of 3 girls in my family. My sisters were both born in the United States. No luck with boys. Sorry, Babo. I graduated from the University of Cincinnati in 2018 with a degree in Biology/minor in German. I currently work (from home) as a Product Safety Specialist at an inorganic pigment company. Previously I worked in the QA laboratory testing our products. But now I deal with international documentation of our products! I deal with 29 different languages just for Europe including the handful that count for the Balkans. I’ve got those covered 😉
2. What was it like growing up in the United States as a refugee? Feel free to share any challenges you faced.
Growing up I had what I believe was a very good childhood and upbringing. My parents have worked extremely hard to give us the life we have today. Beyond grateful — there are no other words to say. I am teared up as I write this because I know the external challenges they have faced here in a country unknown to them is something my sisters and I can’t compare to as they protected us from as many things as possible.
My sisters and I grew up spending our entire summers in Bosnia with our grandparents. They raised us during those summers, all four of them. My parents stayed stateside to continue working to ensure a better life for us. This way we knew our family, we knew our language, culture, family with zero barriers between us. Those summers are now everything to me and I wish I could relive them.
Coming back from summer break though would be a culture shock. Having to go back to school again with friends/ classmates who had entirely different experiences. Our parents raised us differently but not where we couldn’t blend in and be just like the American kids at school. But obviously, there are many things I couldn’t do or wouldn’t even dare ask my parents to go do with my American friends because I knew it would be a “ne.” With that, my friends always knew my parents as just being strict. At the time as a teenager, I didn’t understand it and it was frustrating for me. That was and still is a challenge of living in one country but being raised in a completely different culture from another. Trying to live the best of both worlds I believe is a common challenge for first-generation immigrants like me!
3. When did you first become diagnosed with Diffuse large B-cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) and can you briefly describe how it affects your body?
I was diagnosed with DLBCL in January of 2020. This is a type of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, which is a blood cancer that starts in your lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell. Long story short it is a cancer of the immune system. DLBCL is a fast-growing aggressive cancer and affects your body’s ability to fight off infections. With it being a blood cancer it can affect your entire body in almost every way possible, it is rarely an isolated cancer. So having cancer of the immune system + chemo that completely wipes out your immune system to try to save you + global pandemic = great time!
4. How did having cancer affect your mental health? For instance, did you find that losing your hair made you feel more or less confident?
I didn’t know what mental health was until I was diagnosed. Simple as that. Prior to cancer, I was not a person with anxiety, fears, etc, or something I took time to acknowledge. Now I feel everything and have a wide range of emotions and thoughts that I did not have before. I am actively still in therapy after 11 months post-chemo & cancer. Even though I tried to repeatedly dodge the psychologists at the hospital who tried to meet me because I didn’t think I needed therapy, I was “fine.” Losing my hair was surreal and still is today even having my hair growing back in. I got to hide out at home thanks to the pandemic & lockdown and not see people. But I rarely looked at myself in the mirror, which I think was a coping mechanism I did subconsciously to just not accept the fact that I was a “sick” cancer patient.
I actually struggled more with having my hair growing back because it had been wild in all sorts of stages. I’ve felt less confident at times thinking I’m being judged for the weird short hair vs. being bald, people just know you’re “sick” and that explains it all. Even though I have absolutely no reason or need to explain myself to anyone. It is at a good length now and I am in a better season of feeling confident that I kicked cancer’s a**.
5. How can we be supportive to any of our loved ones who are currently undergoing chemo or dealing with cancer?
Ahhh, man. Love this question and I hope this helps the Balkan community because we are the toughest people to deal with. This translates to Americans as well, or internationally really, but during chemo people always say, “Samo budi pozitivna” or “Eat this, drink that, this will help.” It was like a broken record. The last thing anyone wants is to be told what to do or what to feel. Be supportive by listening to all the emotions a loved one is feeling, let them know they can talk to you about anything, about cancer or even not about cancer. Or if they’re like me, give them alone time. I was easily irritable on days my treatment required steroids (roid rage is real) so being given quiet time to myself was the best. While going through treatment talking about cancer can get exhausting and trust me we are already physically exhausted from chemo.
6. How do you believe that we (as diaspora) can continue to keep our culture alive for generations to come?
Language, language, language. Language is vital for a true connection to any culture but especially any of us from the Balkans since we can literally connect to multiple countries that share a lot of things in common culturally! It is something that as a child growing up my pediatrician would praise my mom for only speaking Bosnian to my sisters and me. The doctor also said if my sisters or I would speak English to our parents that our parents should ignore us. Like I mentioned before, it was how we could communicate with our family back in Bosnia. In my opinion, knowing the language helps you understand the culture so much more and it really is an easy thing to pass down to future generations!
7. Anything else you’d like to share with our audience?
I am an active volunteer with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society with my team Belma’s Brigade! We raised $15,000 last year for their special event, Light the Night! Belma’s Brigade won the Rookie of the Year award and I am running it back this year as well! With that said, if anyone in the audience knows someone who is going through cancer as I did I am happy to have my info shared and to connect with people for the support!
I know when I was first diagnosed I knew no one my age with cancer and it left me feeling very alone. In the Balkan community when someone is ill, it is a hush-hush situation as if it is something to be ashamed of…..SO WRONG! This is something we need to change in our community and that is my goal with every connection I make! So please feel free to reach out to me!